Chrome Zealot

A believer in a vaperware operating system designed by an advertising conglomerate front to a government project. These zealots claim their roots in a rarely used member of Web 2.0 technologies, the Chrome internet browser. The browser origins derived from a CIA scheme to gather intelligence on consumers using spyware to predict market swings, binge drinking at urban raves, rises in online discussions of conspiracy theories, trends in the porn industry, and communist activity in the far east. These believers, found in universities, wear the traditional rainbow colored suspenders indicative of the clan, and greet each other with the phrase “epic fail” followed by a rubbing of the left elbows. The FBI, perpetually suspicious of the CIA tricks against American citizens, invested millions in investigating the browser’s intelligence gathering activities but abandoned the case when cult membership dwindled to several dozen members. As the FBI director put it before the senate intelligence committee, “what can you expect from commi’s turned capitalists…it’s a total piece of shit. It serves the CIA right for putting Russians in charge of the project. It’s an epic boondoggle, a violation of the constitution, and a waste of money. The money would be better spent on electric mini-bikes, proving Joe Biden is Jimmy Hoffa, and a wax museum showcasing the late J. Edgar Hoover estate’s rare collection of pantyhose, corsets, and early twentieth century braziers.”